Sunday, 21 March 2010

Who to blame

The Faux Bot

The Faux Bot has two primary concerns: eat and sleep. After discovering high-fructose food products at a young age, he put the extra energy to good use by spending untold hours trying to beat M. Bison and the second level of Cybernator. Whilst he achieved neither, he did manage to develop a symbiotic addiction for sugar and Super Nintendo games.

As time went on, he discovered the unique joy that can only be derived from Lucasarts' many point n' click masterpieces - namely Day of The Tentacle and Indiana Jones and The Fate of Atlantis. Spending more and more time in front of a PC, he began to emulate his first computing teacher: sitting hunched in front of a monitor, drinking black coffee, swearing alot.

As he grew, the pure, unadulterated caffeine thrill replaced the need for refined sugar. His reactions improved and he dedicated them to a burgeoning obsession with Street Fighter 4. He now dreams of the time when the capital wasteland will be a reality and assumes that his training will take him far.


Little is known about the life of Krandal. His reclusive nature and excessive paranoia has resulted in him keeping a closely knit inner circle that holds information to a premium and often invites rumours of links to freemasonry. It is known that ‘Krandal’ is an alias, adopted sometime in the mid-nineties, but documentation about his real name appears lost.

Videogames and anime were easy interests to adopt given his lifestyle and after the love for his Sega Mega Drive there was no turning back from the path. However, his time playing games has not been without incident, a personal low point came shortly after the release of the N64 when he checked himself into a private rehab clinic after becoming addicted to Super Mario 64, insisting the 120 stars were ‘more important than water’.

In more recent years his Gamertag and PSN ID have shown many of the major titles and reveal a definite leaning towards RPGs with Lost Odyssey and Tales of Vesperia being favoured. Sign-in patterns show a marked under appreciation of the PS3 in favour of the 360, but this looks set to change with the recent releases of Final Fantasy XIII and the reworked Star Ocean: The Last Hope - International, if patterns continue.


Cront may be said to be the 'father of the video game', on account of being older than time itself. In the 4500 years that the creationists correctly believe that Earth has existed Cront has managed to become a master of mathematics so that he may better understand the gaming worlds he frequents in his spare time. This allows for an intuitive understanding of every and any game he ever plays. Cront is this awesome.

Located in the urban wilderness of London with Split-Screen frequenter 'Old Scratch' [amazing partner in crime] and finally (after said 4500 years) reaching the end of his maths PhD, he spends too many hours of the day playing Street Fighter IV; to the point that he understands EVERYTHING about the game, but still cannot play it well [old hands + knowledge does not a master make]. Other games which have brought him to this point include [but are not exclusively]

1. Bioshock
2. Borderlands
3. Elite [fuck yeah, he went there]
4. Street Fighter series
5. The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom
6. Mass Effect series

Favourite website =

Currently watching = The Good, The Bad and The Ugly [Yeah, he is also as bad-ass as Clint Eastwood is handsome, wannafightaboutit?]

Contributors and Friends of the Family

Split-Screen is far more than just 3 dudes with too much time on their hands and loud mouths. They have made some firm allegiances in their time and would not be where they were today were it not for their friends and part-time contributors.


An elusive character, that can often be found encouraging The Faux Bot's madness during podcasts. The only bona fide writer and a long-standing member of Split-Screen. His presence always adds a touch of class to their often juvenile ramblings.


Vandalworks is a mighty presence, physically and verbally. No COD session is the same without Mr. Works' threatening to make love to your behind and similarly, Split-Screen would not be what it is without him. Their first official Street Fighter 4 champion and figurehead of the still-planned Split-Screen games festival, Vandalworks has been a keen supporter from the start.

Rhi-Mix/The Mixxture:

Were it not for this fantastic being, then Split-Screen would not have the rad banner that its team is so very proud of. The Multi-talented and always supportive Rhi-Mix also has one of the coolest nicknames ever.

Token Gestures:

The only dude who can write about sports games and a master of office time-wasting. Mr. Gestures has provided guidance and encouragement, not to mention enthusiasm, at every turn. He is much loved.

Omega Level:

The website that nearly made Split-Screen pack it all in. Infinitely better but still as supportive as anyone else. Two of the funniest and coolest dudes online. Split-Screen is honoured to call them comrades.

System Fail News:

Jasmino is the most energetic and dedicated young girl on the Internet. If certain members of Split-Screen had been half as enthusiastic at that age, then they wouldn't be the miserable old curmudgeons that they are now. She runs an awesome blog all on her own and she will undoubtedly go far.